On April 27 my life changed forever with a seizure and following that: the diagnosis of brain cancer. I am beginning full spectrum treatment on Thursday the 28th with radiation, chemo, and cannabis. Here is a post from my blog series on cancer and personal transformation. My hope is to document my efforts to find connection and healing in the battle with cancer.
petefarrupdate.wordpress.com that deals with my changing relationship to Buddhism.
It is necessary to change that now. I am blending my inner and outer worlds in a necessary union of oneness which is needed to generate healing cancer curing energy. No more blockages and compartmentalization of my life force. I need to openly live the path that I have been studying for a lifetime. Let me begin to share some of it with you.
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It would come out in hints. I have been a vegetarian for 42 years and had just become a vegan. I have no military stories to tell. I was a conscientious objector during Viet Nam. My two years of alternative service was at Gateways Hospital (a private psychiatric facility within crowd cheering noise of The Dodgers Chavez Ravine). I still carry the vow to hold all life sacred and not participate in killing. I wear Buddhist prayer beads under my shirt and occasionally sit in meditation when Panorama holds all day retreats. My religion was a private thing. I sit every day and dabble in books that evoke the spirit of Buddha. Looking at my practice now I have to laugh. I said I loved all sentient beings, but they were actually too much trouble for me to connect with in my daily practice. Shame would whisper in my who are you to talk about universal truth? Hunker down, meditate in isolation, read those books that give you spiritual goosebumps,and try to live a vital, authentic but private religious life. Being a visible Buddhist elementary school teacher in rural Central Oregon, the land of prayer breakfast PTA moms, would have complicated my teaching. I learned how to go and be an active practicing Buddhist in stealth mode.
My concept of meditation since my brush with death has profoundly changed.
Pre-seizure Pete had used meditation as a treasured daily quiet time for settling of the mind. Like dirty muddy water in a jar, the act of sitting still and waiting in awareness of each breath going i. pause out, pause in, pause out, paus noting thoughts, notice pause out, pause feelings, notice and on til an arbitrary time is reached when I bow and arise to join the world refreshed. Arise, toilet, brush teeth, start coffee, meditate, drink coffee and bow, shave. wash, dress.
Then I would enter Panorama social activity a mind a little less muddy, wearing the hidden prayer beads. Meditation was basically an automatic wired- in mental health habit right between bushing teeth and the first cup of coffee.
I knew from my readings that meditation promised transformation into a deeper awareness of our inner being, but I was content with the cozy spiritual life of a comfortable retired seeker on a graceful aging glide path.
Enter the dragon of a brain induced seizure. I was brought gasping & kicking to the edge of being and then allowed to return with my eyes wide open. When I came back, that little me that was running the religion practice had abandoned ship. That little voice that knew so little about spirit but was running the practice had flown the coop. My new religion now is" I dont know what religion is". All I want to do is experience the moment, be truthful, be kind, and be helpful. I trust the ancient Buddhist tradition to help me better understand my new sense of being. I will be attending our local Nalanda Institute mediations and lectures. http://www.nalandaolywa.org/
Anything else right now is too much distraction.
Now I look at my former meditation practice as a very nice daily activity that kept my busy little self calm and relaxed my mind. My little self was also pretending to have the potential to become enlightened if it just sat long enough or read the right book, or dropped into a magical state by chance. The magical drop-in part happened but the little self just wasn't able to handle the ride. That little self isn't able to sneak into the big dance.
My little self has as much chance of merging with oneness as a tile has of being polished with vigorous effort into a shining mirror
One day when Nangaku came to Baso's hut, Baso stood up to receive him. Nangaku asked him,What have you been doing recently?
Baso replied,Recently I have been doing the practice of seated meditation exclusively.
Nangaku askedAnd what is the aim of your seated meditation?
Baso replied, The aim of my seated meditation is to achieve Buddhahood.
Thereupon, Nangaku took a roof tile and began rubbing it on a rock near Baso 's hut.
Baso, upon seeing this, asked him,Reverend monk, what are you doing?
Nangaku replied, I am polishing a roof tile.
Baso then asked,What are you going to make by polishing a roof tile?
Nangaku replied, I am polishing it to make a mirror.
Baso said,How can you possibly make a mirror by rubbing a tile?
Nangaku replied, ow can you possibly make yourself into a Buddha by doing seated meditation?
http://dogenandtheshobogenzo.blogspot.com/...
A poem for the blog from my morning mediation:
Wholehearted Buddhism
Comes
Not from the outside like I thought,
but there is this vast inner spring flowing freely from my heart
That which has for years eluded capture
by the noisy little seeker of attainment
Now it bubbles freely everywhere
Up from the ground of being.
It has always been waiting there
Just asking to be splashed in, tasted and shared
How can something so vast be so hidden?
Shakespeare nailed it as usual.
To be or not to be.
That is the question.
A Loving Respectful
Bow To you all.
Pete\
My Art Give A Way gesture is an expression of freedom.
Moving out frozen energy opens the way for healing.
Having a garage stuffed with all of my life Âs art work is a blockage of energy!!!!
The Blockage:image001
I love cats! I like how they can flip from being an over-stuffed fuzzy lump to a wild tiger to being a needy attention seeking baby to being a detached curious observer.
But just because you love cats, you have to be realistic and hold the numbers down Maureen thinks one sounds about right.
It is the same with art.
I was a special education teacher who had a long career specializing in teaching children who were emotionally disturbed. I worked in BD (behavior disorder) schools. The kids I taught had behaviors that were so extreme they were moved out of regular schools and placed in my classroom. I began teaching at the Murchison Street School in East LA that served the hispanic Merchison Street Housing Project. As a green first year teacher, I got eaten up alive by acting out kids in my classroom. I hated classroom control issues, but had to professionally survive by diving in and leaning from the toughest. (kids from a disrespected minority culture who are locked into poverty) Eventually behavior control became my specialty . I learned the secret to classroom management. Be a competent respectful adult and develop a real caring relationship with kids as individuals that has firm expectations and clear rewards. Enjoy you students as human beings.
Eventually I found myself at the door of the Cascade Child Treatment Center in Redmond, Oregon. A beautiful concentration of resources to help troubled children. I was the only classroom teacher and I had the support of classroom aides, child care workers, social workers, family therapists, consulting psychiatrists, and residential care givers. We practiced a team mental health approach to intervene with powerful mental health resources when young children need life enhancing intervention that should be the standard for our nation. That's where I learned how to really help the kids that the schools didn't want. Later in my career I taught in schools where there were much fewer resources, but I knew where the holes were and could work towards comprehensive solutions to help kids in crisis. My training was in team building.
Over a long career as a BD teacher I have taught in special schools on Whidby Island (At Camp Casey), in Vancouver WA (Fir Grove). and at the end of my teaching career I went to Olympia- LEAP BD (Centennial) and North Thurston (Lakes) SPED Resource.
All this to say, my job was to try to teach those kids who were too anguished to care about learning. There were days when I went home with burning sadness. I would frequently have to hold down thrashing limbs and block out ugly curses as staff set physical limits on a child engaged in unsafe acting out behavior. There was a numb feeling that would linger,especially if I felt I mishandled the day's crisis and sometimes it lasted late into the night keeping sleep away. When a BD classroom starts going bad, the teacher amps up. You HAVE to catch it before it crashes or you get contagion where multiple rages happen and the room melts into chaos.
All this to say, Art was my salvation. There is a freedom and joy in creating that heals. All my art studios had new age music tapes, tools, posters, and a rich variety of projects. I would go limping in the studio after a bad teaching day and let the art heal my wounds.
The only problem was what to do with the increasing pile of my finished art creations?
I couldn't sell them. I've only sold a handful of art objects and it never felt right.
My best pieces take weeks of labor and putting a dollar amount on the time drives me nuts. Turning my art into money would change the ball game. I might start doing art that sells and then loose the freedom of detachment.
Giving my art away felt like a big ego trip. Here is something I made that is great and I want you to think it is great too and if you dont like it, I am going to be embarrassed.
But like the SorcererÂs Apprentice I kept on making more art, because thas what BD teachers need to do. No matter how bad the day was, you need to go back the next day with the inner resources to make it better. You need to restore yourself emotionally so you can help your students which in my case meant¦doing lots and lots of art.
So I kept all my art in bins and kept making more.
All of this is to explain my curious behavior of late. I am actively engaged in a personal energy healing. I am breaking up a blockage by giving my art away to those at Panorama and beyond who are the givers. Having years of art work boxed in storage is like a beating heart pumping in blood and never letting it go.
It is such a treat to recognize and celebrate the gift of generosity in those luminous people in my life who inspire me with their giving. It reminds me of view what I learned teaching special Ed. If you want to cultivate an energy, design a ceremony to celebrate it and bring it forth with joy.
Giving away my art is very, very therapeutic and it fun beyond measure.
With this background in mind consider the following information.
Cancer is not a problem!
According to Dr. Ryke Geerd Hamers book German New Medicine, Natural Hygiene, Cancer is a solution!
Lothar Hirneise, author of Chemotherapy Heals Cancer and the Earth is Flat interviewed several hundred patients who were in the final stage of cancer and who are all healthy again today. He found three similar points:
100% of all survivals used energy work
approximately 80% of all patients used nutritional change
at least 60% of all patients did intensive detoxification therapies.
More on Lothar Hierneises Cancer Research www.healingcancernaturally.com
Naturally when you find out you have cancer, you may begin meditating and reflecting on life. Some cancer patients change their life styles: change jobs, location, marital status, and attitudes towards life. An alternative start could be Energy Healing. Negative emotional states such as fear accompanied by shallow breathing and contracted muscles deprive the body cells from oxygen. Dr. Otto Warburg and Dr. Johanna Budwig have proven that high percentage of various cancers has its origin in the lack of oxygen at the cellular level. DuringEnergy Healing, a practitioner can observe your breathing and advice you accordingly.
Stress causes blockages in the human energy field, which are viewed as the primary source of psychological and physical problems. During Energy Healing treatments, a person is able to relieve a wide range of issues including emotional issues such as depression, fear, panic attacks, stress and anxiety caused by cancer diagnoses, treatment and after the treatment diagnoses.
Energy Healing helps the patient get moving, become active, and develop a constructive fighting attitude. Success demands discipline and effort. Each person needs to find his/her own path of healing. An Energy Healing practitioner helps in the process of making the patients own critical assessment of whether a particular treatment would truly be good for them.
Cancer patients have been operating on low energy reserves.
A natural way of getting energy into our body is nutrition
Body nutrition is coming from three sources:
Light is naturally our number one source of energy.
Organic food
Thoughts our mental spiritual side is enormously important Cancer cannot exist without stress. There are a lot of debates on different types of stress physical and psychological but for cells l it doesnt matter where the stress comes from.
Tumors help you rid your body of poisons. Without the tumor you would be really ill. A tumor is an incredibly ingenious solution on your bodyÂs part.
When you get healthy, the tumor disappears on its own.
Tumors are handy toxin reservoirs which the body uses to store surplus toxins out of general circulation. Based on the research of French Dr. Kousmine tumors serve as toxin tanks & is confirmed by physicians such as holistic MD Dr. Dietrich Klinghardt and others who report that tumor dissections have revealed large quantities of heavy metals such as mercury concentrated in the tumors center.
http://sanare.ca/...
Energy Healing, proper Nutrition and Detoxification will help you to support your body to naturally self-heal as it is designed to do.
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I have an appointment next week with an energy massage healer and will share my ongoing adventures in this blog. I am exploring a magical world that was hidden from me before my wild ride on the cancer dragon express.
xxoo
Pete